Bill is a bunny

Monday, March 13, 2006

Yes, I am still a bunny

I feel like my head is going to explode. No, no, I'm not hungover. I just feel very put upon at the moment. Knowing the right thing to do is sometimes very difficult. In fact, I would say it is often difficult. But you make your decisions and you stick by them. I've got my back against a wall. I feel like I put myself there and then I feel like I was forced there. I reckon it's both.

But change is inherent, I suppose. Change is a booger. Change is scarier than hell but you can't avoid it. I've never been one to strike back when I felt someone struck me. Always was a turn the other cheek sort of guy. But after a while you feel taken adavantage of and confrontation has to occur. Now, whether I am in the right or the wrong in this particular situation, I can't really say. If you start judging those things for yourself you're headed for a mess of trouble. But you have to make stands too, especially when you are defending your own. This must seem pretty obscure to most of you and that's deliberate on my part. I guess a couple of y'all know what it is I'm saying here but not many. I hope.

Put up those dukes, son! Fight all those bastards off if they're coming at you. And when you lose, well, you fought, didn't you? I'm sick and tired of feeling I can't say something because other folks know better or I need to be political in my decision making. Just plain sick. I mean, you don't have to like everything I say, but I'm going to go right on and say it anyway. You don't like it, don't listen. In fact I'd guesstimate that most folks don't listen to what I have to say anyway. Just take it as stupid, old, drunk Billy, shooting his mouth off at something he doesn't know anything about. Well, fine. I ain't listening to you either.

I've spent more than half my life feeling sorry for things I realize now I had no cause to feel sorry for. I'm not to blame. You are. Deal with that. Swallow that. Feel that and make that part of yourself. I've been doing it for years; it's your turn. Doesn't feel so hot, does it? I didn't like it all those years, either.

So, am I suppose to be the bigger man and say "I'm sorry."? I've done that enough, thank you. It doesn't do any good anyway, just seems to make folks think your weak. And I'm tired of being seen as weak. Because, you know what? I am not weak. I'm strong. Stronger than you. You think it's been a free ride for me? You think I've had all the breaks and pissed them away? Man, get with it. You don't know me. Maybe you never did. Maybe you never wanted to. But I always wanted to know you, get closer, share something that went beyond the body and got closer to what we were here on this planet to do. And you chucked me in the potato wagon when you got what you wanted. Well, I'm not one to be fooled with no more. Watch it.


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